On impulse
I want to be the radical with an odd outer shell, unstable and forever colliding with others, only to be replaced by other particles or agitated by thermal energy. I want to be the small ion that distorts everything in its way, that carries charges and bends the path of others.
I want to be the atom that has existed for as long as the universe existed, I want to be the proton that collides and started the chain of nuclear reaction. I want to constantly change my phase and shape and identity, I want to cause others to do the same. I want to decay and recombine and explode and release unimaginable amounts of energy.
I want to be the closed system that is the universe, with the ever increasing randomness, only reversible by the reversal of Time itself.
I do not want to be the close system that is the universe that settles down after a heat death. I want to be the universe that ends in a big crunch, I’d rather explode that be extinguished, I’d rather be singularity than expand indefinitely and fade into nothingness.